Mamaw (Bertha Ellen Roberts)

my dearest mamaw,

i love you and i think about you every august and every may although in all likelyhood you dont even know me. i am Sekhmetsudjati, formerly known as margaret, and a person living within the person you knew as Mary Ellen.

we appreciate all the gifts you ever gave us, both physical and spiritual, and we remember with high fondness the red-white-and-blue bicycle you gave us, even though all we ever did was sit on it and scream, then roll it down to the edge of the driveway, turn it upside down and move the peddles, pretending we were pumping gas or making ice cream cones for the other kids on our street who would “stop for gas”.

we did eventually learn to ride a bike, then we would ride all the way to the cemetary to see you even though we weren’t supposed to because it was too far away and the roads were dangerous. once we even did it by ourselves. papaw got mad at us each time we did it. they drained big blue. not sure why, we never did know. susan and greg used to ride all the way there, though.

… my father came back and lives in kentucky now. right next door to where Grandma Wyatt used to live, in a small house that used to be Uncle Gene’s shed. i can’t quite forgive him for what he did, nor can i forgive Jerry. i’m working on it.

marion and susan are both gay. and please don’t be upset witht susan for calling charlotte mom. papaw could not have remarried a better woman. we were well loved.

mom is finally with someone who treats her right, and susan got clean. greg is still with lisa as far as we know. no-one has seen him in years. even though greg has done some awful things, he still doesn’t deserve what lisa did/does to him. i hope that in time i can forgive people who did bad things, and maybe so can susan.

well i’d have to write a book to share everything that happened since you died, but i think i will share one more thing before we go.

we became the first person in our family to complete a four year degree. it took us 10 and was interrupted by cancer, a car wreck, and a really bad marriage, but we did it. of course now we are disabled and unable to work. but we’re helping people in our own way even without work.

we hope that you can accept us as us, but we understand if thats a little beyond your reach. you never would ever turn away from someone, and we have taken that from you and we are proud of it. our religion is vastly different now, but i hope that you will still be happy to be counted amoung our akhu. we havent seen you in any dreams now for at least 14 years. we hope you are okay, and we all miss you greatly.

love forever,